Mattress for Sale
Selling this queen-size mattress I’ve owned for 9 years. It’s extremely plush, though also firm and supportive, but soft, but sometimes, hard.
It has been through:
- Several binges of MILF Island
- Every evening existential crisis. Why do I work in an abbatoir?
- Occasional snacking on Korean Fried Chicken. Very few sauce stains
- That stranger who is sometimes there when I wake up
Over the years, it has developed a natural patina, like a well-aged violin. The structure is resilient. I’ve farted into it probably thousands of times, and it still mostly doesn’t smell.
Note: there is a small stain around the middle, but it’s not visible if you’re lying on it.
