The Curse of Time
Time. It’s my greatest enemy. Not in the way that a movie villain might be, twirling their moustache and plotting my demise. No, time is far more insidious; it’s the white-collared tax department bureaucrat that files away my moments before I ever realise I could have had them.
I’m cursed with the knowledge of time’s existence, flowing about me like the green code in The Matrix. But instead of sick fighting moves and bullet-dodging speed, all knowledge of time gives me is anxiety and a constant feeling that I should maybe be doing something else.
By contrast, consider dogs, if you weren’t already. Admittedly, it’s acquiring a temporary dog (a foster) that helped bring time into focus for me. Fine, here’s a pic.
Dogs don’t understand time. At least, I assume they don’t, and let’s roll with that assumption for a moment. Dogs live in the now, always living their best lives. When they’re happy, they’re ecstatic. When they’re sad, they’re heartbroken. Usually, they’re hungry, playful, or tired.
But for dogs, all moments pass, and they move on to the next moment without a second thought, unaware that they’re ageing, other than being unable to jump onto a sofa as they one might have.
Meanwhile, here I am, constantly aware of the ticking clock. There’s a bomb in my head, and I can’t even see the time remaining — I just know it’s ticking.
I’ve always held that humans are already time travellers. Think of a moment from your youth when you were really embarrassed. It might have been a time when you said something awkward. Think about it and visualise it… now, did you just cringe? Did you make the “inhalation between teeth” face? You just travelled back in time!
Meanwhile, it is possible to forget about time. You know those moments when you’re completely absorbed in something? Maybe you’re painting, writing, or even just having a great conversation. You’re “in the zone,” as they say, and it feels amazing (more on that here).
Being “in the zone” or in a “flow state” feels amazing while it lasts. I get that feeling sometimes while doing jiu jitsu, riding motorcycles, or writing. Flowing feels amazing. But then, when flow state is unbalanced, I almost hear a record scratch sound effect as the awareness of time comes crashing back.
One thing that helps with putting to one side consciousness of the passage of time is meditation. But the cruel irony of meditation is that we know it takes time, so it’s hard to start doing it at the outset.
There’s a beautiful Japanese concept called “Mono no aware” (物の哀れ). Even thinking of this makes me sad. Mono no aware is the bittersweet feeling of joy tinged with sadness because you know all joy is fleeting.
Sometimes I wonder, if I were to write my own holy book (bear with me here), the equivalent of the snake in the Garden of Eden wouldn’t curse us with shame. Its real poison would be the awareness of time. The protagonists would bite into the apple and realise: “Oh, crap. We’re not going to be here forever.”
So here we are, cursed with the heavy burden of time’s existence. But maybe it’s also what makes our experiences so precious. After all, if good times lasted forever, perhaps we wouldn’t appreciate them as much.
In the end, perhaps the real challenge isn’t fighting against time, but learning to dance with it. To savour the moments we have, even as we’re aware of their passing.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check my watch and panic about how long it took me to write this. Time waits for no man, after all.
Just found one of your posts when searching for a condensed article on “Why Not to Vote for Trump” to send to all my friends and family before the election, whether it causes more division or not, the risk to our wellbeing, could not be more threatened! Great job ! I will definitely pass it on. His recent threats to Democracy could be another great post.
I then read your article on “The Curse of Time”. I take anxiety meds because of this issue. I am a visual artist/painter in my Zen mode while painting, but now at 71 see life passing by so quickly I can’t get a grasp on how to spend my day, without getting upset when I look at the clock.
Thanks for your insights on that subject. We have to get another dog soon before its too late!
I had to re-read my own article to understand your dog comment! But I’m glad you liked this personal piece.
I really wish there were a world without politics and probably politicians. The ultimate democracy is one where there’s just the people.