Unpleasant Updates to Our Privacy Policy
We only want to send you content that you’ll love. That’s why we’re writing a boring email guaranteed to make you unsubscribe.
Anyway, we’ve made some updates to our privacy policy. (FYI, we totally had a privacy policy before you received this that wasn’t just auto-generated by ChatGPT.)
You can read the entire 4,364-page document here. But in summary, here are the changes:
- We definitely will collect data about you, including your location, name, bank details, and one more thing that will surprise you! (…It’s your search history in porn mode. Sucker)
- We store all your data on a hard disk, which I left somewhere… I think it’s with my clothes at a park where I met some… one
- We may use your data, but only if it’s interesting or if our tools determine you’re good-looking. FYI, you’re about a 7.
- We will claim to have deleted your data intentionally. I’ll never admit it was an accident! Damn it, where is that hard disk?
- We’re moving all our servers to Grenyarnia so we’ll never have to do this again.
Our cookie policy is to eat one whenever we’re feeling snackish, so for the best experience for both of us, we will store a cookie in your house in case we’re nearby.
Finally, we retain the rights to your eldest child and, if needed, any others that look tasty.
If you’ve read up to here, you have automatically accepted our privacy policy and smell bad!
See you forever, jerk!
Click here if you want to unsubscribe, but I’ll take it personally and just write you more.
